broken thoughts

I just have to write this, to let it out. My heart is broken. I was in tears when I read the news in Yahoo Philippines after a co-teacher told me that Angelo Reyes had shot himself. No, I am not a fan of the guy. I even doubt his innocence but I’ll honor what my Dad often tells me when it comes to issues like this – “innocent until proven otherwise” in court. My heart broke for the Philippines. Tears came to my eyes (my co-teacher was looking at me, surprised) as I read about the generals’ houses and their wives’ travels.


I grieved because the evening before Reyes shot himself, I had lain awake deep into the night with the line playing in my mind like a song in Repeat mode: “What will it take to change this nation, Lord?” What will it take to awaken the Filipinos from their cynicism, hopelessness and acceptance of what’s in front of us? How long will we tolerate what’s in our land? So Reyes’ death was a shock for me. Even for someone who didn’t know him personally. The first thought that rushed to my mind was “he’s guilty or why would he kill himself?” The next one was “he didn’t even think of what this will do to his sons and daughters.” I don’t know. I don’t want to judge him because I have no right. Only God can do that. More than anger at the AFP corruption, my heart was broken at all these revelations. Jesus, help us. The Philippines really needs you at this time. I know that we are at the brink of a deep change in the land.

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Reagan on letting go, letting God

Today is Teachers’ Day at DC and so we had a one-day break. I had a good talk with Nap in Banawa this afternoon and afterwards read a very loving albeit wisely put email from my spiritual mama – Tita Nene – straight from Dubai. The former’s spoken words and the latter’s written words bore truth, wisdom and good sense seasoned with love. Yes, it’s not always easy to accept truth especially when it hurts but if we accept it, it will make us grow up and see the things we never saw (or perhaps did not want to see) or rather, our blind spots as Ate Sal calls it.:) It is good to be covered and to stay under cover.

Tonight I chanced upon an article written by Patti Davis (President Reagan’s daughter) in the Time Magazine website about her dad and the last paragraph about Reagan struck me hard. She wrote that: He was not a perfect man. He was not a perfect father. But he tried to reach higher, to understand what God wanted of him. This strongly reminds me of the verse Acts 13:36 – For David, after he had served the purpose of God in his own generation, fell asleep and was laid with his fathers…(English Standard Version). Think about if at least 1/4 of our politicians thought that way. That they ran for office because they wanted to serve the purpose of God in their generation in our nation. JUST IMAGINE THAT.

But this thinking is not only for the politicians but for every son and daughter of God. Think about if every day of my life, I’d go to school thinking how I could serve the purpose of God in my generation. It would absolutely revolutionize this nation if every single disciple thought like this. Oh, God, help me think this way instead of being caught up with side issues.

Patti also shared about a coin her father often kept in his pocket that had the words “let go and let God.” How apt! 🙂 To read that line in a secular magazine such as Time tells me God is telling me something very important – forgive and let Him be the one to justify and take care of some stuff. Okay, Lord.

So the next time I’m tempted to…, I’ll just remember Reagan’s coin.  Oh, by the way, I loved My Amnesia Girl! 😉 Thanks to Jazz’s post about watching it, curiosity got the better part of me. My mom and I had a great time bonding last night listening to Toni and John Lloyd’s really corny lines.  😉

okay, okay, I would have loved to throw that red-circled line at the person...but God...okay Lord I get it.

still hopin’ and praying

I was so sure Bro. Eddie would win. I had no doubts. Call me childish or childlike but I sure believed he was winnable and that the Filipinos would see the need to vote in righteousness and justice into office. The Filipinos proved me wrong.

When the votes were counted and Noynoy and Erap were at the top of the list, I could not believe it. In my anger, I raged against GMA, Gwen and I could not help but ask God “why?” It was all so obvious, the May 2010 elections were a make-or-break event but Filipinos still continued to vote for a Gwen, a GMA, an Ecleo, a Faustino Dy over a Padaca. My logical mind could not comprehend why of all the senatoriables, it was Estrada and Revilla who topped the lists. ??? Why did Bongbong Marcos make it to the top 12? Have they forgottten what Papa and Mama Marcos did in the 70s? It was surreal.

I really felt a bit down and angry – super mad – about the election results especially with Gwen winning as Governor again instead of Jun Davide. All my whys have no answers at this time. I had to include Gwen and GMA in the list of people I had to forgive before I took communion tonight. (sigh)

Maybe, just maybe, if I weren’t a Christian, I would have stormed the gates of Malacanang as a suicide bomber. But then during worship tonight, God spoke just one statement to me that made me cry and took away the heaviness and despair. He said “LET MY WORD PREVAIL OVER ALL THE VOICES IN THIS NATION.” Listen to My Word over the despair that you feel over the election results. Listen to My Promises that one day this nation will change. Listen to My Word that I hold everything in my hands.” That gave me peace. Peace to believe that things are not as hopeless and worse as it looks whenever I’m reminded of the fact that Gwen is still governor. (sigh) Help me Lord to forgive.

And His Word reminds me that I have no right to point fingers at the corrupt and unrighteous because if it weren’t for Him I’d just be like one of them. It’s only the Blood of Jesus that sets me apart from them. Maybe if I weren’t a Christian, I’d either be a suicide bomber or a corrupt politician. And it’s only because of the Blood and Cross of Jesus Christ that I’m neither of the two. Lord, teach me to be merciful like You.

So I’m still hopeful and will continue to pray that this nation would turn back to God.