where is he, Lord?

There are good days. There are also not-so-good days when the waiting becomes what most of the world calls “stressful.” The stress comes from the reality of being 30 and single and the proverbial biological clock is ticking. I would be a hypocrite if i’d say fear is unfamiliar. There are times when I tell God it’s okay to stay single especially when I take note of the tuition fees in different preschools in the city, when I’m with a married friend buying milk for her son and when I see a pair of shoes. Those are the times that I am grateful I’m still single at 30.

But then, there are times when the desire to raise kids, serve a husband and minister to others together seem to be an attractive option despite the possibility that new pairs of shoes will now come once in a blue moon. So, I told the Lord I can’t really decide what is best for me and, if possible, He will be the one to decide for me on that. Of course, I won’t deny the fact that the desire to marry outweighs the fear of all those expenses I listed above.

So, where art thou, my beloved? Hmm, these are times when my heart tells me that the only thing I need at this time is Jesus. So why does my mind tell me a different thing? Help, Lord.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.—Philippians 4:6-7