Most of the things in the Kingdom do not necessarily start out by feeling but by the Word of God.  Remember how God created the world and you and me?  Or how the Word became flesh so He could dwell among us?  Words have so much power.

Tonight, I told God that even if I might not feel the emotions of what He told me to do, I will obey because He is more important than how I feel.  Will I let how I feel get in the way of God and my relationship with Him?  I realize that I’d have to give up this issue so that there won’t be any obstacle between me and my Jesus.

Jesus is worth it all.

{via Heisworthitall@tumblr}

He honors our obedience; knows how frail we are.  His grace is indeed sufficient.  And you know what, there is always grace and forgiveness at the throne room.  That and love, mercy, healing and life. (:

About Last Night

Watching a sort of indie film about marriage and relationships starring Keira Knightley, Eva Mendes and Sam Worthington, made me think about this fact:  it is only when we give our checkered pasts, past loves and memories of previous relationships to God and the Cross that we can be totally freed from all these.  Otherwise, we’ll always be carrying a piece and parcel of the past and of former loves. 

Only God can heal a painful memory.  While I was watching the movie, bits and pieces of the past drifted in front of me and one man in particular stood out.  He was G. and he was a co-teacher of mine in the University where I first taught History.  I was young and naive at 22 and at 34, he was 12 years my senior.  I can’t exactly remember the details of our age gap today but I remember it was his sharp intellect and worldliness, so to speak, that made quite an impression on me.  It took me a long, long time to forget him and move on.  Maybe because ours was a complicated story (not a relationship) to begin with and I found it hard to forgive myself for that episode.  BUT GOD.  But God heals. 🙂

It was a jeepney ride last year that showed me that.  I was running late and I rushed into another jeep as the one I was riding had to wait at the jeepney stop for the longest time.  I was without makeup and looked stressed.  In short, I think I look harassed.  Then, I felt someone tap me on my knee.  Right across me was G smiling into my eyes, his eyes twinkling with amusement.  I could not forget how we quickly fell into an easy rhythm of conversation.  A little catching up here and there about his teaching, his research but never about the missus.  I did not ask him about his wife this time.  The last time I had heard about him he had gotten married.  This time I wasn’t even curious how he was doing personally.  Gone were all the tension, attraction and the anger all at the same time that I had once felt when I talked to him after things had fallen apart.  In its place was that comfortable feeling of talking to a long lost friend.

I realized that day that I had already moved on.  God allowed me to see that through that jeepney ride.  When I got to school though, I could not help but bemoan the fact that of all the mornings that I had rushed out of the house that was the day that I had no makeup on.  lol!  But then, it did not really matter that much this time.

In my opinion, it is only God who can heal traumatic memories, a broken heart and can truly end an unfinished business with someone you shared something with.  Without Him making all things new, bits and pieces would still have stuck to our hearts and souls.  But God heals and deals with it thoroughly. 🙂  For a time, I was wondering how I could move on from that memory.  I looked at moving on that time as nothing short of a miracle.  It only took forgiving myself and him, too, to move on. 🙂

CHOICES

The film is also about the choices that we make that lead or take us farther from what’s right and true.  Will we give in to the seemingly harmless and small temptations thinking that we can resist falling into the pit?  Or at the onset make the right decision to run away from every temptation whether they be big or small?  I remember that episode with G and how my mom warned me about him the first time she saw us together.  We were checking our emails at an internet cafe in the mall.  That time there was nothing going on between us but my mom warned me because she saw something that I, in my youth, did not see coming. 🙂  Looking back, I should have heeded her word of advice.  Instead, I replied:  “Mommy, we’re just checking our emails!”  hahahaha Oh, the folly of youth!:)

When we can thank God for the part others have played in our lives, we can be confident we have been enhanced by knowing them—and we’re ready to embrace love again. – Embracing Grief, Focus on the Family article

Let the Healing Begin by 4Him

I’m tired of these walls
That have held my captive heart
And I’m ready for the change
To come and reach me through these scars

I long to hear You speak
Sweet peace into my soul
Reach into the depths that no one knows
Let Your healing waters flow,
‘Cause I’m…

CHORUS
Moving on, to better days
Let the healing begin
Up ahead, I can hear You call my name
Let the healing begin
Let the healing begin

Your love for me is deep
And Your mercy is so wide
Somehow you reach beyond the boundaries
Of all my foolish pride

So come and wash away these things
That have held me to my past
‘Cause Jesus You’re the one and only one
that can set me free at last, ’cause I’m…

CHORUS

Let it rain down (whoa let it rain down on me)
Let it rain down
Don’t you know it’s time for me to be

CHORUS

costly mistake

In May of last year, I wrote “It is when you brave the heat of the battle – instead of running away from it – that the victory comes.” For weeks now I’ve been trying to understand why this is relatively easier and lighter compared to what happened in the past.  The circumstances may somehow look the same but what’s happening in the inside is far different.  I can only attribute it to God doing a good work inside my heart.

What keeps running in my mind are the words:  Jesus is my Champion!  Wow, if you’ve got a bouncer and a backer like Him, you can really go the distance.  He gives us supernatural strength and wind to soar beyond what we alone can reach. It still blows my mind – how awesome God is and what He is doing.  I can only wait in expectation and wonder at what He’ll do next.  I’m sure it’s gonna be AWESOME.

Some lessons from that costly mistake:

1.  Accept reality with grace and learn from the mistake. FORGIVE YOURSELF.

2.  There are times that we stumble but it is utterly NECESSARY TO GET UP AGAIN.

3.  Time does not heal wounds BUT JESUS HEALS broken hearts and makes them as good as new.

4.  From Tita Ayen:  “Whatever happens to us is part of our training and equipping.”

5.  This one is really yehey and hahaha:  “What the enemy meant for bad, GOD CAN TURN IT AROUND FOR OUR GOOD AND FOR HIS GLORY.”

6.  Knowing who we are in Jesus is so important in overcoming trials.  We must believe and confess that we are accepted in the Beloved, overcomers in Christ Jesus and that His will is good, pleasing and perfect.

coming home

In a way, I feel like this week has been a sort of homecoming for me but in slow motion. The tug of home and my First Love (Jesus) seems to pull me harder back into the haven of His presence.

I’ve ran far away from church and ministry (not from God) since I came home for lots of reasons. But His love strongly calls out to me even when I want to shut Him off. My heart has always known where home is. You can’t say “Yes” to God and say “No” to serving His church, fellowship with the brethren and ministry. Yes to God means loving your neighbor as you love yourself and serving them as well. You can’t have one without the other as a song goes.

One can’t receive healing by running away but by facing the heat of the battle. Lord, give me enough grace to swim back into the waters of ministry and fellowshipping with churchmates again. I pray for your hand to protect me as I lay my own protective shield down and take up Your protective hand over me.