Tolerating pain isn’t really my cup of tea. That much was proved last Friday as I sent an SMS to my boss, Mariles, and Ms. Joan (our secretary) at 3am to inform them that I was gonna be absent that day as my toothache was unbearable.
God spoke to me about pain through that experience. I have a low tolerance for pain and will easily get dizzy at the sight of blood.
I went to the dentist that day to have one of my molars extracted. As Tito Jun gently injected the anesthesia I could feel myself stiffen on the chair. He told me to relax. I was only able to calm down when I prayed “Lord, Holy Spirit, please help me. I’m scared. My mom’s not here and I feel alone but you are with me.” I began to feel myself loosen up. Thankfully, the dentist (Nap’s uncle) was good and my molar was extracted with the help of the anesthesia and the Holy Spirit.
But that experience taught me something about going through painful experiences. I have a tendency to cushion myself from life’s painful stuff. I block people I don’t wanna see. I avoid them if I’ve issues with them instead of facing them head on. But God, but God. I love this line. God walked me through the pain and held me. I learned that day that we can’t really escape from pain but GOD WILL HOLD US BY THE HAND. In my case last Friday, He held my hand while I was sitting on the dental chair as Doctor Jun pulled out my tooth.
Likewise, I know that, one day, I will totally be healed from a painful memory I am still in the process of overcoming. It’s almost 80% over but I am praying for the 100% healing. I know, in God’s time and faithful dealings, it will be. So, I’m going to turn over my props and defenses to God and trust Him to protect me. It ain’t easy but I want to take a step of faith that God will once again sit with me and hold my hand on that “dental chair.”
He gave me the passage “The battle is the Lord’s” almost a week ago now and I am holding on to that. MY JESUS IS FAITHFUL TO COMPLETE WHAT HE STARTED IN YOU AND IN ME.
In May of last year, I wrote “It is when you brave the heat of the battle – instead of running away from it – that the victory comes.”
For weeks now I’ve been trying to understand why this is relatively easier and lighter compared to what happened in the past. The circumstances may somehow look the same but what’s happening in the inside is far different. I can only attribute it to God doing a good work inside my heart.
What keeps running in my mind are the words: Jesus is my Champion! Wow, if you’ve got a bouncer and a backer like Him, you can really go the distance. He gives us supernatural strength and wind to soar beyond what we alone can reach. It still blows my mind – how awesome God is and what He is doing. I can only wait in expectation and wonder at what He’ll do next. I’m sure it’s gonna be AWESOME.
Some lessons from that costly mistake:
1. Accept reality with grace and learn from the mistake. FORGIVE YOURSELF.
2. There are times that we stumble but it is utterly NECESSARY TO GET UP AGAIN.
3. Time does not heal wounds BUT JESUS HEALS broken hearts and makes them as good as new.
4. From Tita Ayen: “Whatever happens to us is part of our training and equipping.”
5. This one is really yehey and hahaha: “What the enemy meant for bad, GOD CAN TURN IT AROUND FOR OUR GOOD AND FOR HIS GLORY.”
6. Knowing who we are in Jesus is so important in overcoming trials. We must believe and confess that we are accepted in the Beloved, overcomers in Christ Jesus and that His will is good, pleasing and perfect.
You might be wondering how you can tell if you’ve moved through grief to embrace love again. One sign is gratitude. When we’re grateful for the good that was given to us from God in our past relationship, we can be confident that emotional healing has happened. And when our desire to embrace the future overshadows our desire to hold onto the past, we know that we have said good-bye with grace. When we believe that God can fill our hands and heart with mutual love again, we know we have grieved well and that we have entrusted our heartache to Him. When we can thank God for the part others have played in our lives, we can be confident we have been enhanced by knowing them—and we’re ready to embrace love again.
*2010 was the year I finally made peace with my past with G after a long time. I realized this when I bumped into him in a jeepney going to Talamban. 🙂 awesome!
Focus on the Family’s Embracing Romantic Grief