Watching a sort of indie film about marriage and relationships starring Keira Knightley, Eva Mendes and Sam Worthington, made me think about this fact: it is only when we give our checkered pasts, past loves and memories of previous relationships to God and the Cross that we can be totally freed from all these. Otherwise, we’ll always be carrying a piece and parcel of the past and of former loves.
Only God can heal a painful memory. While I was watching the movie, bits and pieces of the past drifted in front of me and one man in particular stood out. He was G. and he was a co-teacher of mine in the University where I first taught History. I was young and naive at 22 and at 34, he was 12 years my senior. I can’t exactly remember the details of our age gap today but I remember it was his sharp intellect and worldliness, so to speak, that made quite an impression on me. It took me a long, long time to forget him and move on. Maybe because ours was a complicated story (not a relationship) to begin with and I found it hard to forgive myself for that episode. BUT GOD. But God heals. 🙂
It was a jeepney ride last year that showed me that. I was running late and I rushed into another jeep as the one I was riding had to wait at the jeepney stop for the longest time. I was without makeup and looked stressed. In short, I think I look harassed. Then, I felt someone tap me on my knee. Right across me was G smiling into my eyes, his eyes twinkling with amusement. I could not forget how we quickly fell into an easy rhythm of conversation. A little catching up here and there about his teaching, his research but never about the missus. I did not ask him about his wife this time. The last time I had heard about him he had gotten married. This time I wasn’t even curious how he was doing personally. Gone were all the tension, attraction and the anger all at the same time that I had once felt when I talked to him after things had fallen apart. In its place was that comfortable feeling of talking to a long lost friend.
I realized that day that I had already moved on. God allowed me to see that through that jeepney ride. When I got to school though, I could not help but bemoan the fact that of all the mornings that I had rushed out of the house that was the day that I had no makeup on. lol! But then, it did not really matter that much this time.
In my opinion, it is only God who can heal traumatic memories, a broken heart and can truly end an unfinished business with someone you shared something with. Without Him making all things new, bits and pieces would still have stuck to our hearts and souls. But God heals and deals with it thoroughly. 🙂 For a time, I was wondering how I could move on from that memory. I looked at moving on that time as nothing short of a miracle. It only took forgiving myself and him, too, to move on. 🙂
The film is also about the choices that we make that lead or take us farther from what’s right and true. Will we give in to the seemingly harmless and small temptations thinking that we can resist falling into the pit? Or at the onset make the right decision to run away from every temptation whether they be big or small? I remember that episode with G and how my mom warned me about him the first time she saw us together. We were checking our emails at an internet cafe in the mall. That time there was nothing going on between us but my mom warned me because she saw something that I, in my youth, did not see coming. 🙂 Looking back, I should have heeded her word of advice. Instead, I replied: “Mommy, we’re just checking our emails!” hahahaha Oh, the folly of youth!:)
When we can thank God for the part others have played in our lives, we can be confident we have been enhanced by knowing them—and we’re ready to embrace love again. – Embracing Grief, Focus on the Family article